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A Daughter's Confessions

It is Mother's Day. I am in Los Angeles. My mom is in Indiana. Since I left home my freshman year of college, we have rarely spent this holiday together. I always call and post a photo, but now I have this space of heart outpourings, and so, today it must be said just how incredibly lucky I feel to have been gifted the woman I so gratefully call my Mom. To her, this public love letter.

Deer Mom,

The words, 'thank you,' just don't seem to carry near the weight of the endless amount of gratitude I hold for you in my heart. But thank you. Thank you for having the courage to raise two daughters with scorpio moons. That couldn't have been easy! Thank you for having the courage to leave something you didn't believe in, but maintaining love and forgiveness in your heart. Thank you for having the courage to live, just the three of us, in that trailer that tipped far out in the country, deep in the woods. That must have been so scary. Thank you for setting this tremendously brave example. I probably didn't think much of it then, but I do now. Thank you for choosing a love that would support all of us so beautifully, a love that allowed for our elevation. I may not have found that for myself yet, but I sure as shit have been witness to it, and won't settle until I do. Thank you for holding your high standards that at times felt impossible, but I know now that anything is actually possible. Thank you for never allowing me to feel sorry for myself - I learned perspective from you, and now I count my blessings every single day. Thank you for allowing me to always go my own way, even though you may have held alternative ideas as to the direction. And when I call to cry about how difficult the path is, thank you for reminding me that I chose it. The path of least resistance has never been my thing, has it? Thank you for answering all the phone calls, even when you were dead asleep. Thank you for the countless times you caught your falling girl - for those times you watched your flying girl with pride in your eyes. I hope I always make you proud. Thank you for the constant, unwavering, steadfast, uninterrupted presence that you, and only you, have provided in this extraordinary life, that also thanks to you I've been so, so very fortunate to inhabit.

And Mom, thank you for always keeping the light on. The uncertainty in my life must be somewhat unsettling for you. I'm sure you would feel much better if I had more security in almost all of the aspects - if I had someone else to call for directions if a woman hits my car with her door then picks a fight, if I had someone else to check in on me or to come home to. But just know that it was you that gave me everything I need to navigate, and although it is you I feel safe enough to call to fall apart, when we hang up, I rise.

It is you who showed me how.

Thank you, from the bottom of everything, for all that you have done and continue to do. When I am being a total shit, please come back here to read the way I truly feel now and forever.

I love you.

Happy Mother's Day

A Daughter's Confessions, by Coco Cooper

Every single moment of my life

She, and only she, has been there for me.

I know that there is no one under the sun

That loves me more,

Or ever will.

It does not matter at what hour I call,

She will answer.

She is my biggest fan.

I can behave so terribly

And still, she stands,

With open arms.

I can mess things up,

Make giant mistakes,

Yet remain perfect in her eyes.

Her love, it knows no conditions.

And is so strong that it will bring me to tears,

On a freeway, two thousand miles away.

She has walked through fire.

Fought battles that only she knows of.

Gone without so that I might have.

She has taught me

To win with humility.

How to lose with grace.

She is the reason that I am what I am.

Responsible for all that I have done,

And all that I have seen.

She is my heart, my soul, my home...

She is my Mom.

And if I ever get to be

Like the Mom given to me,

Well then,

My child should be so lucky...

You mustn't live so lightly,

Spin your stories, tell your tales,

Let them dance across the oceans

And set the wind upon your sails.

For every truth found on your travels

And in the pits of your despair,

Is a shout into forever

Of "I existed, and I cared."

~ Erin Hanson

Los Angeles, CA

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