For the Brokenhearted, A Series
If it hasn't happened yet, it most likely will, but maybe your are one of those unicorns that won't ever have to experience a broken heart? It's happened. I know a few people who married their soulmates early, before they had the chance to get run through the shit, and they are still very much in love. But those people are probably not going to read this blog series. The kind of broken heart I am speaking of is the wretched kind you get after a breakup. It is the worst, and if you have one right now, I am so sorry. I feel your pain. I have yet to experience anything worse, truly.
"One of the hardest things you will ever have to do, my dear, is to grieve the loss of a person who is still alive." - Jeanette Walls, The Glass Castle
One thing I know for sure is if it hurts, like really, really hurts, that is because you were /are still, in love. Your blessed heart cared very deeply for someone else's, and that is a beautifully brave thing. Although it doesn't make it any better, it is better that you feel this way. It means that you are capable of purpose, of the sole reason we were put on this earth. Not everyone is in touch with that. You my sweet, broken one, have the capacity to connect with another human in a deep and meaningful and terrifying way. To allow yourself to fall in love with someone is dangerous, yet we do it, you and me because, though the fall may be disastrous, in the end, it is always worth it, and we will do it again and again, until it sticks. Until our hearts find the home it is meant to occupy, we will continue to love. But it won't be easy. No, it will be the most difficult thing we'll do. To heal a broken heart so that it may get back out there is a process. If you rush it, you risk leaving the wound open, and an open wound can only get more and more infected, which means that one day you will wake up and be far worse off, and further from recovery. The damage will have doubled, the mess will be bigger, and the cleanup will take longer. You must give your sweet self time.
This window of time is very special, really. It is crucial to the human experience. It is a gift. You will discover who it is you actually are when you stand alone, and knowing that will only make your next union stronger. Capitalize on this precious opportunity to meet yourself, to learn about yourself, to fall in love with yourself. Take good care of you. This ability to love who you are when there is no one else around to validate, is everything. If this isn't established prior to relationship, codependency takes a seat, and it will destroy any chance of cultivating a healthy, reciprocal, conscious partnership.
"Be alone. Eat alone, take yourself on dates, sleep alone. In the midst of this you will learn about yourself. You will grow, you will figure out what inspires you, you will curate your own dreams, your own beliefs, your own stunning clarity, and when you do meet the person who makes your cells dance, you will be sure of it, because you will be sure of yourself." - Bianca Sparacino
Listen, I know just how impossible this all feels. It is no secret that I have suffered my fair share of failed relationships. I know what its like to want nothing more than to skip to the part where waking up no longer hurts. Where going home alone no longer hurts. Where shutting off the lights, turning down the bed, and tucking yourself in, no longer hurts. But you mustn't skip ahead. Stay in it. Let it hurt. Let it split you apart. Bleed out. Linger in the pain of your loss. This is what it means to be alive. For as long as you need, cry like a baby. Allow thoughts of your ex to creep in, witness them, and watch them pass. Keep allowing it, without beating yourself up, and without holding on. This will continue to take place for a very long time depending upon how long you were together. Be gentle on you. There is no fast forward. It is where you are meant to be until you are meant to be somewhere else. And you will find that place, eventually. Upon arrival you'll notice that you are different from having traveled the brokenhearted path. Because see, all that coming undone you allowed for led to the reconstruction. You are now a stronger, more solid, embodied version of yourself, who happens to not need another person to confirm your worth. You, my friend, have walked through the fire, given your third degree burns time to heal, and those scars mark your triumph. Your victory over loss. Your trophy - your own beautiful, beating heart that is ready to get back in the ring and fight for love - once again.
Hang in deer one, we'll get there...
"It's beautiful isn't it?
how it all hurts,
but we never
Stay tuned for the next post of the brokenhearted blog series...